Adjusting to the New Routine

The first several days with my wife stuck on hospital bed rest was a huge adjustment period for all of us. I spent a lot of time running around gathering things that would make my wife’s life a little easier in her new “home.” And I tried to figure out what the best daily routine would be for my daughter and me. At first I wasn’t sure how often we would visit, but I promised to my daughter that if she wants to see Mommy, we’d always make every effort to do so. And so far, after 3-1/2 weeks, we’ve managed to visit every single day. It’s been exhausting to keep this up, but it’s now part of our daily routine, and it's the highlight of our day.

My daughter is currently in summer camp during the week, which helps occupy her during the day. I’ve been picking her up early from camp and most days we head straight home. Before heading to the hospital to visit Mommy, she takes a bath or shower and changes into nicer clothes. I've found that it's generally easer to eat dinner at home, but sometimes we end up eating at the hospital. The hospital cafeteria has limited appeal for our daughter, and though there are many takeout and delivery options, it sometimes ends up being hard to time things right.

We usually stay an hour or two before visiting hours are over. After 3-weeks of being cooped up in the same room, my wife was granted 15-minute wheel chair privileges, which has become a part of our routine. We usually have just enough time to go down the plaza level and spend a few minutes outside, and my daughter loves being in charge of pushing the wheel chair.

Leaving has been really hard, and often my daughter will have a tearful meltdown. I quickly figured out that it was a good idea to brush my daughter’s teeth and change her into her nightgown at the hospital. By the time we get back home she’s usually worn out and ready to crawl into bed. My daughter calls Mommy for a night-night song, and frequently has a hard time hanging up.

On the weekends I usually have a few outings with my daughter, which keeps her busy. We are also able to spend a little more time at the hospital, and my daughter enjoys watching movies snuggled up with Mommy in her bed. A couple of days my daughter has missed camp because she’s had a doctor’s appointment, and we ended up visiting Mommy in the afternoon on those days. I’ve found that it’s much easier to visit earlier in the day because we’re not as tired.

We’re lucky to have some wonderful neighbors who have volunteered to watch my daughter from time to time and have even made dinner for us. We have some neighbors with kids our daughter’s age that she loves playing with, and it helps distract her from the fact that Mommy is not at home.

I have also spent a few afternoons at the hospital my wife while my daughter is in summer camp. It’s the only time we have together now. Sadly, we were supposed to go out of town to celebrate our anniversary the day after my wife’s water broke. It was also supposed to be our last getaway as a couple before the new baby’s arrival. It’s easy to feel like we were robbed of so many things, but we try to remain thankful of what we still have and make the best of the current situation.

The hospital has become a 2nd home for us. My daughter knows the ins and outs of where everything is and feels quite comfortable there. But it’s strange to be there day in and day out. We’ve seen countless other families arrive and leave with a new baby. We often have to walk past a parade of happy people carrying flowers and balloons to their loved ones to celebrate their new arrival. At least we had that experience with our first one. We never imagined that this time around would be so different.

So while each day has it’s own unique feel, we’ve managed to find a basic routine that works for us. It’s funny how something can become “normal” so quickly, when in actuality it’s anything but normal.

Recalling the Beginning: Becoming the “Bubble Daddy”

On Friday, July 16, 2010 our lives were unexpectedly turned upside down. My wife was admitted to the hospital when her water broke prematurely 23-1/2 weeks (about 5 months) into her pregnancy. It’s a rare occurrence called PPROM or “Preterm Premature Rupture of Membranes.” The literal bubble around our baby was permanently compromised. My wife had no previous symptoms that indicated she was a candidate for PPROM, and our OB told us that we’d probably never know what caused it.

We were informed us that the goal was to delay the birth of the baby for as long as possible. However, several things, all out our control, could arise without much notice that would necessitate birth by emergency c-section. We were given a laundry list of possible scenarios that we could encounter, many of them horrifying. In most cases, women who have PPROM give birth within a few days, and most babies born at 23-1/2 weeks do not survive, and of those that do, many have serious long-term problems. It was quite a shock to realize what we were up against.

Aside from following our doctor’s orders, there’s really nothing we could do but hope for the best. My wife was placed on hospital bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy, however long that would be. The best-case scenario we were given was making it to 31 weeks. But even that would be 6 weeks preterm, and we were faced with the reality that the baby would likely spend a long time in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.)

We were left to figure out how we were going to get through this as a family. While my wife was suddenly on bed rest, possibly long term, I suddenly became like a single parent. We are grateful to have a wonderful six-year-old daughter, and she was really looking forward to being a big sister. Days before this happened she felt the baby kick for the first time. And she would frequently talk or sing to her future sibling in my wife’s belly. We knew that explaining to her what was happening was going to be tricky.

Our daughter was scheduled to be at a sleepover with her cousins that weekend. So we arranged for the sleepover to begin a day early, which gave my wife and me a couple of days to ourselves before we had to deal with our daughter. In general, our daughter hates when Mommy or Daddy is away, even if it’s just for one evening, so we were really worried how she’d react to Mommy not being able to come home. Our OB advised us to tell our daughter that Mommy will be fine, but needs to stay in the hospital because it’s the best thing for the baby. And so that’s what I told her when I picked her up from her sleepover, and we immediately went to visit my wife in the hospital. She seemed to be fine at first, but when it dawned on her what was going on she broke down. She kept asking why Mommy couldn’t come home, and I kept repeating what our OB had told us to tell her. She asked if she could stay in the hospital with Mommy, but that wasn’t practical and was against hospital rules. I repeated that Mommy needed to stay in the hospital because it’s the best thing for the baby. Finally she said tearfully, “Otherwise the baby will die?” It broke my heart to hear her say that. I didn’t want to lie to her. After a long pause, I told her we hope that doesn’t happen. She was old enough to figure some things out, but not old enough to know how to cope. Then again, I’m not sure I was coping well with things.

I went home with my daughter that evening, not sure of many things, but sure that this was going to be by far the toughest thing our family had ever faced.